D’var Torah Parshat Matot

Reuben, Gad, and the Art of Negotiation

By Sarah Rashba | 15 March 2024 | 4 Minute Read

D’var Torah - Parshat Matot

The tribes who didn’t want to settle in the land of Israel

Have you ever faced a really tough negotiation…a time when you needed to ask for something big, and you knew the other person might not be prepared to go along? If you have, you’ve probably asked yourself: How can I win this person over? What’s the magic key that will get us to an agreement?

Parshat Matot tells the story of just such a tough negotiation. It’s the negotiation between Moses, on one side, and the tribes of Gad and Reuben, on the other side. Here's a quick summary of what happens. After 40 years of wandering in the wilderness, after all the hardships and all the mistakes that the Israelites made, they’re finally at the end of their journey. They’re ready to enter the land of Israel, but they’ll need to conquer it first.

And what happens, just at this crucial moment? The tribes of Gad and Reuben decide they don’t want to cross the Jordan and accept their inheritance in that part of the land. They like the land on the east side of the river, where the Israelites are camped now, and they want to settle there instead. So they need to approach Moses with this very tricky request. 

Spoiler alert: Their negotiation is successful! But how exactly did they do it? How were they able to convince Moses to let them settle outside the borders of the Land of Israel? Moses has been leading the people all this time, listening to their needs, pleading with God on their behalf – all to get them to the land God promised them. Now they’ve finally arrived. It’s time to go into battle. And these two tribes are saying: Actually, Moses, we’re fine where we are. That okay with you? Why on earth would Moses agree to that?

To learn their secrets in the art of negotiation, let’s take a look at the way the tribes of Gad and Reuben interact with Moses in this story.

The stages of negotiation

As  a first step, the two tribes simply state their request: The land that's been conquered, it's grassland, it's great for grazing cattle and livestock. And we, the tribes of Reuben and Gad, have lots of cattle and livestock. So please give us this land as an inheritance, and don't force us to cross the Jordan River into the land of Canaan.

That’s a fairly brief, simple approach. And maybe Moses could have just given them a brief answer. It’s easy to imagine that he could have refused to even consider what they’re asking. But in fact, he gives them a lengthy response. And in this response he lays out a number of concerns and fears that he has about their plan. First he reminds them that the nation is about to go into war. He says, Do you really think that it's right that your brothers should go out to war against the people of Canaan while you sit in comfort here on the east side of the Jordan?

Then Moses reminds them about the disaster of the spies that took place 40 years before. The spies came back with a bad report and swayed the people from wanting to go into the land of Israel to conquer it. God was angry and decreed that that entire generation would have to die out in the desert, and their children would be the ones to inherit the land. Moses lets the two tribes know exactly what he’s afraid of here: You don’t want to enter the land of Israel? What if your rejection of the land triggers another disaster like that one? What if your request sways the people against the land for a second time and brings down God’s anger on us again?

Moses makes a whole case against granting their request. Now, if you were representing the tribes of Gad and Reuben at this moment, how would you respond to his words? You still want this deal. You still want this land on the east side of the Jordan. What are you going to say to Moses?

How to Break an Impasse

A better way to come to agreement

At this point, if you’re negotiating for the tribes of Gad and Reuben, you have a few options. You could argue with Moses and try to persuade him that his fears are groundless. Alternatively, you could try to craft a proposal that might allay his fears. Something like: Moses, how about this? If we fight alongside our brothers to conquer the land, then you'll give us the east side of the Jordan. But if we don't fight alongside our brothers, then we won't get that land. Would that work for you, Moses?

Now if you look carefully at what happens next in the parsha, the tribes of Gad and Reuben say something that seems very similar to that offer, but not exactly the same. What they do is a little bit different…and maybe a great deal more convincing. 

You see, in negotiation we have two possible ways to create reassurances for the other side. The standard way of doing it is through conditions and consequences. I can put all kinds of conditions into place, and I can set up consequences for violating those conditions – all to reassure the other party and give them some sense of safety. That's one way of structuring a deal. But there's another way that can work even better, and it's the approach taken by the tribes of Gad and Reuben. 

In this video, Rabbi David Fohrman breaks down the elements of their approach in order to figure out how they ultimately succeeded in their negotiation. As it turns out, they didn’t just offer reassurances. They didn’t just attempt to convince Moses that this was a safe enough agreement. Somehow they were able to go a step beyond that. Click here to watch the video and learn their secret. 

Parshat Matot in a Nutshell

Parshat Matot (Numbers 30:2-32:42) opens with a discussion about what happens when someone makes a vow. The text briefly tells us that if a man makes a vow, he must fulfill it. If a woman makes a vow, the laws are more complicated. In general, a woman is obligated to fulfill a vow, just as a man is. But under certain circumstances, her husband or father can actually come along and annul that vow, can cancel it out – and the laws explain how and when that can happen.

Next, we read about a conflict with the nation of Midian over Midian's part in having tempted the Israelites to sin, back at the end of Parshat Balak, when the Israelites engaged in idolatry and adultery. God instructs the Israelites to attack the Midianites as punishment. 

This is followed by a story about the request by the tribes of Reuben and Gad to settle in the land to the east of the Jordan River, instead of in the land of Israel. At first, Moses is upset. He accuses them of recklessly and selfishly abandoning their brothers, leaving them to fight for the Promised Land by themselves. He worries that they will even cause a repeat of the sin and tragedy of the spies from 40 years earlier, a story told in Parshat Shelach. At that time, the spies dissuaded the people from entering the land, and God got angry and decreed that the entire generation that left Egypt would die in the wilderness. 

But Moses and the tribes are able to work out their concerns and find common ground. Reuben and Gad offer to join their brothers in the fight for the land of Canaan until the other tribes are settled in the land. Finally, the parsha ends with a list of the specific territories where Reuben and Gad settled and the towns that they built. 

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